original post: January 24, 2006 ("Book review #2")

Seeing as how the Barnes and Noble giftcard was the #1 gift given to yours truly for Christmas this year, I have a new stack of books to read and tell all of you (well, all 10 of you) about. The first such book is The Secret Fruit of Peter Paddington, by Brian Francis. Oh. My. God. This book was so funny. I got a side pain from laughing so hard. This book is basically what a fiction story from David Sedaris would sound like if he were writing from the perspective of a fat, gay Canadian kid. Seriously, as if it weren't hard enough being a gay teenager: he has to be fat and Canadian, too! This kid, Peter Paddington, talks about how he wants to make a boy friend (not boyfriend, but friend who is a boy), but he's very self-conscious because he's a bit on the fat side, and his nipples stick out like cherries and say evil things to him. So, what does he do? He tapes the puppies down: first with bandages, then masking tape (nearly buying out the entire supply at the drug store--for masking tape sculptures, as he tells the shop owner), and finally with an Ace bandage. His best friend, Daniela, a hard-talking Italian with split ends who lives across the street, the only person he talks to...well, besides the vision of the Virgin Mary that he sees in his closet door ("Ave Maria," he said when he first saw it, then crossed himself--but in the wrong order, since he's Methodist and doesn't know how to cross himself like Catholics do). His mother sounded like she'd be just like Stewart's mother on Mad-TV, with the high-pitched scream/whisper type talking. And his sisters are on grapefruit diets all the time. Peter tests himself to see if he's gotten fatter by doing the knuckle-test: he sticks his finger in his belly button, and depending on if his finger goes in further than before, then he knows if he's gotten any bigger. I can't even begin to do this book justice. I think some people would probably be put off by knowing this kid is a closet-gay who is just so awkward that he doesn't know what to do with himself, but look beyond that: this is a very funny book about an awkward kid in Canada. Comic gold!