My comments are in red!
Deb, Betsi: please see "Seagull Manager"
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From the website www.officeslang.com
New Office Slang
=====================================
404 - Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be located. “Don’t bother asking John. He’s 404.” Kind of like having ho's in different area codes.
Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant. you lost me there, tex. uh, come again?
Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “I dunno, ask Rick. He’s our alpha geek.” This would be yours truly.
Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. I thought this was going to refer to the process of someone's ass growing from sitting at a desk for many years...but that'd probably be "assmorph" instead of "assmosis."
Batmobiling - putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting armor that covers the Batmobile as in “she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling” easier than talking
Beepilepsy - The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence. How true! Debbers--you're so guilty of this.
Betamaxed - When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition as in “Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market” sounds like something a breakdancer would do.
Blamestorming - A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. Pass that buck.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing one’s train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won’t let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. “Damn, I just blew my buffer!” (Synonym: “Head Crash”) Sounds a lot better than brainfart.
Body Nazis - Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively. Not a problem in my office...we're more like Drink Nazis, looking down on those who don't partake in a cocktail or 6 from time to time.
Bookmark - To take note of a person for future reference. “After seeing his cool demo at Siggraph, I bookmarked him.” I'm not a fan of this one.
Brain Fart - A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly; a burst of useful information. “I know you’re busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?” Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations. I always thought a brainfart was when you totally forgot information. Guess you learn something new every day!
CGI Joe - A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure. If only I knew what CGI meant.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean hands. I've got a meeting with "the Bobs."
Chip Jewelry - Old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decoration. “I paid three grand for that Mac and now it’s nothing but chip jewelry.” I'm using chip jewelry right now to type this baby.
Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. “First we gotta figure out if the problem’s in your chips or your salsa.” MMMMM...chips and salsa.
CLM (Career Limiting Move)- Used by microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. “Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.” OMG.
Cobweb - A WWW site that never changes. Like www.ericaking.blogspot.com
Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. “I just wasted 30 minutes downloading that crapplet!” Craptacular.
CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING..... I finally know what to yell at my dad when he does this at home.
Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles. Are they free-range cubes?
Dead Tree Edition - The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms. Bummer
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss, as is Dilbert, the comic strip character. “Damn, I’ve been dilberted again! The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.” Seriously, who reads that comic? LAME!
Dorito Syndrome - The feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. “I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I’ve got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome.” not to be confused with "the munchies."
Egosurfing - Scanning the Net, databases, etc., for one’s own name. guilty as charged!
Elvis Year - The peak year of popularity as in “1993 was Barney the dinosaur’s Elvis year” Long live the King.
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. I prefer AWOL.
Generica - Fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions as in “we were so lost in generica that I couldn’t remember what city it was” Silly me, I thought this was a girl's name. Dope!
Glazing - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open; a popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. “Didn’t he notice that by the second session half the room was glazing?” Again, guilty as charged.
Going Postal - Totally stressed out and losing it like postal employees who went on shooting rampages. "Going Postal" had its Elvis Year in, like, 1996, for sure.
GOOD job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. Isn't that basically what a career is?
Gray Matter - Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms trying to appear more professional and established. ...or someone who watches "Grey's Anatomy."
Graybar Land - The place you go while you’re staring at a computer that’s processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). “That CAD rendering put me in graybar land for like an hour.” I call that my 8a-5p daily schedule.
High Dome - Egghead, scientist, PhD Erica
Idea Hamsters - People whose idea generators are always running. not just for gay men anymore
Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. I feel that way about FOX's NFL coverage.
It’s a Feature - From the old adage, “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.” Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant problem you wish to gloss over. It's not my job, it's a feature. Does that work?
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on some people’s computer keyboards. aka Toaster Shakings/Toaster Leavings (the debate continues)
Link Rot - The process by which web page’s links become obsolete as the sites they’re connected to change or die. how sad...tear!
Meatspace - The physical world (as opposed to the virtual) also “carbon community” “facetime” “F2F” “RL” sounds like something Comic Book Guy would say
Mouse Potato - The online generation’s answer to the couch potato. see my previous comment.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time during which you realize you’ve just made a terrible error. I have nothing clever to say--is that kind of like an ohnosecond?
Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute. I call these people lucky bastards.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. just give it a tap-a-roo
Perot - To quit unexpectedly. “My cellular phone just perot’ed.” I prefer to say "Daunte'ed" these days, but it only really applies if sheer force causes something to stop working.
Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn’t require training. “That new guy is totally plug-and-play.” see "Idea Hampster" for my comment
Prairie Dogging - When something loud happens in a cube farm, causing heads to pop up over the walls trying to see what’s going on. no, Prairie Dogging was described in the movie "Rat Race" as when...well, you'll just have to watch the movie. TOTALLY different meaning.
Ribs ‘N’ Dick - A budget with no fat as in “we’ve got ribs ‘n’ dick and we’re supposed to find 20K for memory upgrades” sounds like something you'd find at Famous Dave's...if it were in Loring Park
Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end. “God, today was a total salmon day!” I call these days "weekdays"
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves. sounds like Shimo!
Siliwood - The coming convergence of movies, interactive TV and computers; also “Hollywired” aka my parents' computer/tv/vcr setup in the family room
SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. “Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage” do yuppies still exist?
Square-Headed Spouse - Computer "To start, press any key. Where's the anykey?"--Homer Simpson, in the episode where he becomes clinically obese so he can work from home. Gotta love that muu-muu!
Squirt the Bird - To transmit a signal up to a satellite. “Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?” I thought of something totally different when I saw this
Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets. ...or any marriage in Hollywood
Stress Puppy - A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny. I like "evil puppy" on Conan better.
Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been used so much its magnetic strip is worn away. Ain't that about a bitch?
Tourists - Those who take training classes just to take a vacation from their jobs. “There were only three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists.” That's a good idea
Treeware - Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material. pretty lame
Umfriend - One with whom one has a sexual relationship; as in, “this is Dale, my...um...friend.” well, it's better than "friends w/ benefits"--I hate that term
Under Mouse Arrest - Getting busted for violating an online service’s rule of conduct. “Sorry I couldn’t get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest.” you're naughty
Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Also: decruitment. or "vacation"
Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key. it's like "Twister" for your fingers
WOOFYS - Well Off Older Folks. is that, like, people in, like, their 40's? Oh my gosh!
World Wide Wait - The real meaning of WWW. whoa, zing!! that was a low blow...
Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace. how else are you supposed to use up all the paper in the supply room? photocopy work things? ewww
Yuppie Food Coupons - Twenty dollar bills from an ATM. or TYME machine--that one is for you, pumpy
=====================================
From the website www.officeslang.com
New Office Slang
=====================================
404 - Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be located. “Don’t bother asking John. He’s 404.” Kind of like having ho's in different area codes.
Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant. you lost me there, tex. uh, come again?
Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “I dunno, ask Rick. He’s our alpha geek.” This would be yours truly.
Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. I thought this was going to refer to the process of someone's ass growing from sitting at a desk for many years...but that'd probably be "assmorph" instead of "assmosis."
Batmobiling - putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting armor that covers the Batmobile as in “she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling” easier than talking
Beepilepsy - The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence. How true! Debbers--you're so guilty of this.
Betamaxed - When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition as in “Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market” sounds like something a breakdancer would do.
Blamestorming - A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. Pass that buck.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing one’s train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won’t let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. “Damn, I just blew my buffer!” (Synonym: “Head Crash”) Sounds a lot better than brainfart.
Body Nazis - Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively. Not a problem in my office...we're more like Drink Nazis, looking down on those who don't partake in a cocktail or 6 from time to time.
Bookmark - To take note of a person for future reference. “After seeing his cool demo at Siggraph, I bookmarked him.” I'm not a fan of this one.
Brain Fart - A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly; a burst of useful information. “I know you’re busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?” Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations. I always thought a brainfart was when you totally forgot information. Guess you learn something new every day!
CGI Joe - A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure. If only I knew what CGI meant.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean hands. I've got a meeting with "the Bobs."
Chip Jewelry - Old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decoration. “I paid three grand for that Mac and now it’s nothing but chip jewelry.” I'm using chip jewelry right now to type this baby.
Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. “First we gotta figure out if the problem’s in your chips or your salsa.” MMMMM...chips and salsa.
CLM (Career Limiting Move)- Used by microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. “Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.” OMG.
Cobweb - A WWW site that never changes. Like www.ericaking.blogspot.com
Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. “I just wasted 30 minutes downloading that crapplet!” Craptacular.
CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING..... I finally know what to yell at my dad when he does this at home.
Cube Farm - An office filled with cubicles. Are they free-range cubes?
Dead Tree Edition - The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms. Bummer
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss, as is Dilbert, the comic strip character. “Damn, I’ve been dilberted again! The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.” Seriously, who reads that comic? LAME!
Dorito Syndrome - The feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. “I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I’ve got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome.” not to be confused with "the munchies."
Egosurfing - Scanning the Net, databases, etc., for one’s own name. guilty as charged!
Elvis Year - The peak year of popularity as in “1993 was Barney the dinosaur’s Elvis year” Long live the King.
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. I prefer AWOL.
Generica - Fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions as in “we were so lost in generica that I couldn’t remember what city it was” Silly me, I thought this was a girl's name. Dope!
Glazing - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open; a popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. “Didn’t he notice that by the second session half the room was glazing?” Again, guilty as charged.
Going Postal - Totally stressed out and losing it like postal employees who went on shooting rampages. "Going Postal" had its Elvis Year in, like, 1996, for sure.
GOOD job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. Isn't that basically what a career is?
Gray Matter - Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms trying to appear more professional and established. ...or someone who watches "Grey's Anatomy."
Graybar Land - The place you go while you’re staring at a computer that’s processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). “That CAD rendering put me in graybar land for like an hour.” I call that my 8a-5p daily schedule.
High Dome - Egghead, scientist, PhD Erica
Idea Hamsters - People whose idea generators are always running. not just for gay men anymore
Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. I feel that way about FOX's NFL coverage.
It’s a Feature - From the old adage, “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.” Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant problem you wish to gloss over. It's not my job, it's a feature. Does that work?
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on some people’s computer keyboards. aka Toaster Shakings/Toaster Leavings (the debate continues)
Link Rot - The process by which web page’s links become obsolete as the sites they’re connected to change or die. how sad...tear!
Meatspace - The physical world (as opposed to the virtual) also “carbon community” “facetime” “F2F” “RL” sounds like something Comic Book Guy would say
Mouse Potato - The online generation’s answer to the couch potato. see my previous comment.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time during which you realize you’ve just made a terrible error. I have nothing clever to say--is that kind of like an ohnosecond?
Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute. I call these people lucky bastards.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. just give it a tap-a-roo
Perot - To quit unexpectedly. “My cellular phone just perot’ed.” I prefer to say "Daunte'ed" these days, but it only really applies if sheer force causes something to stop working.
Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn’t require training. “That new guy is totally plug-and-play.” see "Idea Hampster" for my comment
Prairie Dogging - When something loud happens in a cube farm, causing heads to pop up over the walls trying to see what’s going on. no, Prairie Dogging was described in the movie "Rat Race" as when...well, you'll just have to watch the movie. TOTALLY different meaning.
Ribs ‘N’ Dick - A budget with no fat as in “we’ve got ribs ‘n’ dick and we’re supposed to find 20K for memory upgrades” sounds like something you'd find at Famous Dave's...if it were in Loring Park
Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end. “God, today was a total salmon day!” I call these days "weekdays"
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves. sounds like Shimo!
Siliwood - The coming convergence of movies, interactive TV and computers; also “Hollywired” aka my parents' computer/tv/vcr setup in the family room
SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. “Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage” do yuppies still exist?
Square-Headed Spouse - Computer "To start, press any key. Where's the anykey?"--Homer Simpson, in the episode where he becomes clinically obese so he can work from home. Gotta love that muu-muu!
Squirt the Bird - To transmit a signal up to a satellite. “Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?” I thought of something totally different when I saw this
Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets. ...or any marriage in Hollywood
Stress Puppy - A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny. I like "evil puppy" on Conan better.
Swiped Out - An ATM or credit card that has been used so much its magnetic strip is worn away. Ain't that about a bitch?
Tourists - Those who take training classes just to take a vacation from their jobs. “There were only three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists.” That's a good idea
Treeware - Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material. pretty lame
Umfriend - One with whom one has a sexual relationship; as in, “this is Dale, my...um...friend.” well, it's better than "friends w/ benefits"--I hate that term
Under Mouse Arrest - Getting busted for violating an online service’s rule of conduct. “Sorry I couldn’t get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest.” you're naughty
Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Also: decruitment. or "vacation"
Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key. it's like "Twister" for your fingers
WOOFYS - Well Off Older Folks. is that, like, people in, like, their 40's? Oh my gosh!
World Wide Wait - The real meaning of WWW. whoa, zing!! that was a low blow...
Xerox Subsidy - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace. how else are you supposed to use up all the paper in the supply room? photocopy work things? ewww
Yuppie Food Coupons - Twenty dollar bills from an ATM. or TYME machine--that one is for you, pumpy
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